I came across this little gem quite randomly the other day and found it so humorous that I couldn’t help but post it.  The Conservative Bible Project is the complete bastardization of Wiki technology.  It is in the interest of those contributing to The Conservative Bible Project to change The Bible as follows…

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, “gender inclusive” language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level^[3]
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;^[4] defective translations use the word “comrade” three times as often as “volunteer”; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as “word”, “peace”, and “miracle”.
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as “gamble” rather than “cast lots”;^[5] using modern political terms, such as “register” rather than “enroll” for the census (H2WTO Note: I don’t know about you, but I’m addicted to registering…)
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word “Lord” rather than “Jehovah” or “Yahweh” or “Lord God.”

Here’s a well-known verse converted into right-wing, elephant-speak:

John 3:16

Original: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

New Version: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that who believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.

…Yup, that sounds like they’re definitely upgrading past the 7th grade reading level.  “Begotten?  What’s that mean?  Let’s scrap it…”  And why switch out “everlasting” to “eternal”?  Too many syllables I suppose.

I imagine the liberalized version would read something more like:

“For God so loved enjoyed spending time with the world that he performed a (very) late-term abortion on his only son.  For this reason, those who believeth in Him will live forever…  Or at least as long as McCain…”

See if you can find any more strange discrepancies and post them below.

The Conservative Bible Project